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| **just me, digesting some personal thoughts. to no one in particular. i don't process enough, so this is mostly for me
Third culture kids. This past year, this term somehow has popped up again and again in my life. From people asking me if I considered myself one, to those asking if I was drawn to them.
Honestly, I used to never think about it much before, but I'm beginning to realize that I am ... drawn to other "third culture kids." Those who've spent a good portion of their childhoods immersed in multiple cultures. Thinking back to some of the people and friends I've been particular drawn to, I definitely see it. An odd magnetic attraction to certain types of people that I never stopped to think about before.
In a recent conversation last week, one of my more analytical friends offered an insightful explanation on some of the why's.
Kids who are immersed in multiple cultures are often forced to consider things from multiple perspectives at a young age. It impacts how they think, how they analyze things, how they read others... something they hold onto all their lives. It's true, I often do find that third culture kids tend to be quite insightful, open-minded, less judgmental, and filled with fresh and "different" perspectives (I'm of course generalizing). Or fascinated with some of the same things I'm fascinated with. And I'll admit, I am drawn to that. And yes, non-third culture kids can be all of those things as well.
And well, there is of course a lot more to third culture kids than just that.
Other random thoughts:
- that feeling of feeling at home everywhere you go... yet sometimes feeling at home nowhere as well.
- becoming extroverted to survive in constant new environments, yet remaining intensely introverted.
- a strange feeling of being at home around foreigners.
Hahaa, ok I think I'm done with processing for the night.
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| i wrote this a few days ago, but wrote freely, verbosely, and with no regard to length... and decided not to post it publicly. but crazily enough, the very next day, this was brought up at church.. and i thought it was just too much a coincidence. so i decided to share after all... oh well, you'll just have to deal with the length... hahaaa, too bad, that's what u get for being friends with me... and for reading my page :).
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sometimes it's times in life when you possess the least material wealth that you find yourself feeling wealthiest. it's as if the less you have, the more you can focus on everything else other than "items" and "things." and somehow you appreciate even the littlest things in life all the more.
can't say i've never been spoiled, or experienced material wealth. i DID after all live in rich neighborhoods at one point. and i WAS that girl who owned a steinway grand piano, fake stradivarius violin, and had music lessons from the best and most expensive teachers in the city... rare delights for the blossoming musician.
yet... somehow, i've found myself blessed with a rather strange juxtaposition of wealth and scarcity in life. when you have little, suddenly the things that really matter come even more sharply into focus. after fleeing my country with mom, carrying practically nothing with us, we lived and worked for years at a semi-run-down motel where flying cockroaches frequented my bed and pillow. we lacked much, yet in some ways, we lacked nothing. we worked hard, but life was wonderfully simple.
but it's only after you lose everything you own that you realize none of it really matters anyhow. years after settling into a rich neighborhood, we found ourselves suddenly homeless... given an hour to pack only everything we could carry with us, and forced to leave our home... told to go to a shelter. at first, i selfishly mourned all my favorite items i had to leave behind... but slowly, as i finally learned to let go of them all, i realized that actually none of them really mattered.
and life has been just like that. a strange learning adventure. when you spend a good portion of your life traveling from place to place, you learn to quickly embrace the things that matter, the things that last. building up a castle of wealth and items wherever you go is just....tiring. i won't lie, i do love my share of things. and i'm certainly not immune to the seduction of material wealth. nor do i think enjoying material items are all bad - much is meant to be enjoyed too. but it's those moments when you are willing to let go of it all, that you suddenly feel a strange surge of freedom. it's those moments, when you can't stop smiling cause you suddenly appreciate the world around you in its full splendor. i can't explain it, but that's the closest i can come to putting it into words.
and perhaps this might be silly, but there's something about wealth that somewhat terrifies me. i sometimes still wonder what the last guy i was really seriously talking to (a good while back) must have thought when i confessed that imagining how much money he'd soon be making (a LOT) scared the crap out of me. hahaa, i try to imagine how i would react if someone ever said that to me.
and as crazy as this might sound, i seriously thank God for ALL of my experiences. though parts of life are not always easy sometimes, there is little that i regret. they make me who i am... those experiences have shown me how to throw my worries (well not ALL) to the wind, and have taught me how to live with a freedom i would probably not have otherwise. and i would not trade anything for that.
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| sometimes, you read words, perhaps even words you've read before, and you just feel like capturing them. because they seem particularly beautiful... or real.
i've been capturing many of them lately. in my avid thirst for reading (and singing)... everywhere... on the subway, or perhaps just randomly to slow down my day (people try to accelerate the pace of life in nyc, i try to slow it down). collecting words in my own net, perhaps one similar to the BFG's. and wanting to disperse them back into the world:
"If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life from aching, or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain." - Emily Dickinson, VI (Life)
“Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words.” -Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
"Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux." -Le Petit Prince
"...have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."-Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
"I could give away my money and my clothes and my food
To restore those people who are poor, lost, and down-and-out.
Oh, I could succeed at all these things,
Find favor with peasants and kings,
But if I do not love, I am nothing..." -Ginny Owens, I Am Nothing
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I also found another delightful site to read, and experience.
They call it Journalists for Human Rights.
I'm still trying to decide what I think of it.
But here, have a read for yourself:
http://jhr.podbean.com/
I love hearing your thoughts, so please do share yours =).
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| there are some days we just walk on by. busy and enmeshed in our own lives, barely seeing the world around us.
but sometimes, we just stop. to listen. and look. recognizing things around us for the amazing things that they are... rather than just a blur lost in the fast pace of new york life.
perhaps since work has made my social life rather hectic lately, causing me to play the extrovert role... recently i've been luxuriating in every moment i can get to quietly appreciate life around me. and it's those moments, when i truly see God's goodness in all the little things. (yes, it's also those moments when weaknesses and mistakes become all the more clear in your life and you find yourself just... humbled).
seeing those around me as real people, with real lives. stepping into the lives of random strangers. like my new african clerk friend at my local rite-aid who became so excited to learn i also went to church. every time i see him now, i can't help but smile when he calls me "sister". or our bus driver who drives all night every night, yet has to study hard during the day to finish school. i love hearing the details of his life, like how he lives with his sister and has to paint her walls, or how he's trying to figure out how to redecorate his home before the new year. and laughing cause i always remember him before he remembers me. or meeting one of my neighbors and having a serious chat, rather than one of those superficial "how are you today" convos you have with neighbors in the stairwell. and learning how he came from bulgaria, and about his family background, and how he's REALLY felt about his experiences since coming to new york city. or trying to understand the woman who always stands at the corner begging for money for her and her child. it's funny, after we conversed, she's stopped begging me for money. once you get to know the people around you, you can't help but notice how beautiful they are as people.
the more you pray for people, the more it deepens your heart for them. i've been discovering that as i pray for someone more, whether it be stranger or friend, or perhaps even the rare person i'm upset with - i can't help but start caring for them a bit more. in a completely nonromantic way of course. it's an amazing feeling.
and though i am all too often the realist, this is perhaps where i start sounding like the idealist. but yes, opening your heart freely to others can open you up to hurt and disappointment. we try to love without condition and sometimes it happens. but at other times, we are human and we become hurt or disappointed. but the more that love fills your life, the more it washes away and heals hurts and disappointments. it sounds ridiculously idealistic, but i can vouch for its truth. our hearts only become hardened, jaded when we become enslaved by our fear of being hurt. i won't pretend my heart has never become hardened in my lifetime. but in moments when we can overcome that fear... to love freely without being fear of hurt... that willingness to be the first to put yourself out there... for friends, for strangers (which sometimes results in breaking down walls, but sometimes also results in rejection)... it's those moments when you find yourself truly liberated...
"...it forces us to face directly our own condition in all its beauty as well as misery. When we are not afraid to enter into our own center to concentrate on the stirrings in our own soul, we come to know that being alive means being loved. This experience tells us that we can only love because we are born out of love, that we can only give because our life is a gift, and that we can only make others free because we are set free by Him whose heart is greater than ours. When we have found the anchor places for our lives in our own center, we can be free to let others enter in the space created for them and allow them to dance their own dance, sing their own song and speak their own language without fear."-The Wounded Healer (Henri Nouwen)
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| When art challenges your perceptions, pushes you to think about ordinary things in extraordinary ways... it's truly phenomenal. Sometimes certain experiences just resonate with your soul in such a way that you can't help but want to share it also with all those around you...
So for my fellow enthusiasts in the arts, a few recommendations of things to check out if you have the time =)
Chanel Mobile Art Container - After this interactive experience, I appreciate contemporary art on a whole other level. Truly a full-sensory experience... each person is given an individual audio tour-guide who provides precise instructions on what to do, what to look at and what moments to look at them, and even where and how to walk. Through your audio experience, music is timed perfectly with every step, every glance, and all you just let it all soak in, permeate into your being. It was as if the art came alive with every step... and often it did come "alive." I don't want to spoil the experience, but if you've seen it already and feel like discussing, please do... cause it's certainly left an impression on me ;P. But it's only here until next week, so go check it out soon.
http://www.chanel-mobileart.com/
Fuerzabruta - A bit pricey (though I can't complain with my free tix hehe), but it was... fascinating. Not at ALL what I expected... and yes, another interactive experience. It was like stepping into a world of living and breathing art... that captivated and triggered every one of your senses, that required you to dance, move around, participate in it all. That transports you to another eccentric world. I can't speak to whether it's worth the full price of the ticket, but I was definitely blown away by it all.
http://www.fuerzabrutanyc.com/about.html
Farragut North - When we went to watch this play, we only knew it was a play written by a well-known playwright and that it had won an award. So it was a surprise to discover big name actors on the stage when we arrived - Chris Noth (Mr. Big from Sex in the City), John Gallagher Jr who won the Tony Awards for Spring Awakening, and the sister in the movie Juno. But big names aside, the acting was superb... and the play, about politics and elections, really aims to challenge your assumptions about political "realities" (if there is such a thing). Definitely recommended by yours truly. Ahaha, sorry I have no idea how much it cost... we were lucky to get free tix, but you can check on the site.
http://www.atlantictheater.org/page.aspx?id=12016840
Call and Response - Hahaa ok I'm a lil biased about this film/documentary cause it speaks directly to my passions- human/sexual slavery and trafficking. Though I have mixed feelings about this film - I don't agree with everything said here - i.e., how they make it seem like buying kids from brothels to help them escape that lifestyle is a good solution (though I'm glad they did point out once the problems with this approach). But nothing is perfect, and I appreciate the intent of this film, and what it tries to do. Plus, we met with the Director of this film at a special viewing before the film was released, and he seems like a solid and genuine guy wanting to draw attention to these issues on a deeper level than the usual gloss-over. So yes, I recommend this film in hopes that it will touch someone... somehow.. on these issues. It just started playing in theatres.
http://www.callandresponse.com/
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